the problem with trusting people

The problem with trusting people is that you can never fully trust someone

We’ve all got those dark little corners to our personality, those little secrets we never breathe a word of to anyone, the ones we take to our grave and that we’d rather die that let someone else find out about

And so you never know when someone you trust might have more darkness in their soul than you ever thought possible. Someone you trust may be a shadow incarnate and you simply never knew.

Perhaps I am being morbid; there are, of course, trustworthy people out there

 But they are few and far between and it is near-about impossible to know who is someone you are safe with and who is just biding their time until it is possible to attack.

When we think of dangerous creatures, we think of lions and eagles and poisonous tarantulas. But we often forget that humans are the most dangerous creatures of them all.

That is why it is better to simply never fully put your trust in someone because it is not often a case of if they will turn on you, but when

And then you are lost and gone and there is no way back.

Nothing more deadly than a broken heart.

 ***

Us humans, we lie to ourselves constantly. Little things, like it’s fine that I took the last biscuit in the tin and no-one cares that I never sent my friends Christmas cards, and bigger things, like I don’t have a crush on that girl in my lesson and it doesn’t matter that my friends don’t seem to care about me. It’s stupid. Pointless. Because no matter how much you try to persuade yourself, you’ll never manage to lie to yourself completely. The truth always lurks beneath like a horde of hungry animals, waiting to devour you as soon as you let your guard down.

Which is why I never lie to myself. Why should I waste time doing something pointless? I acknowledge that taking the last biscuit was a shitty thing to do, but guess what? It’s done. Hate me if you will. I do not deny that I am in love with a different girl each week or that I fall deeper than I ever should for a complete stranger. The heart wants what it wants and it is not my place to deny it its desires. If there is nothing I can do to stop it, I may as well accept it and live it with every corner of my being.

But everyone else – oh, they’re little packets of lies, they are. It is deeply frustrating. You never know when someone is telling the truth or if they are simply attempting to convince themselves of something they know to be false. It makes it hard to trust people. Makes it hard to believe. Makes it hard to fully know a person.

In the end, the world is nothing but a bustling globe of lies, each lie a living, breathing being that lives within those gullible creatures we call humans and that shape and mould the world around us. Lies are easy to come by. The truth? It’s the equivalent of buried treasure, rare and precious.

Don’t let the lies pull the wool over your eyes. Stop lying yourself about the things that really matter.

Dig deep, my friend. Dig deep within yourself. It will be painful, but you will find the treasure within you in the end.

                                                                                                              

I wrote this as a freewriting exercise, just putting my fingers on a keyboard and seeing what happens. Apparently what happens is something really hella dark and depressing. So... yeah.

(Before anyone asks me about my mental health and if I'm feeling all right, lemme just say I was writing this from someone else's voice. I'm not really this morbid -- I apparently just like writing from the perspective of people who are this morbid.)(I'm fine, I swear.)

Also happy 2020 guys!! I intended to write a 2019 wrap-up before New Year's but I just didn't have the time to, it may still happen but god knows if I'll have time, especially with school coming back next week and exams just around the corner.

- Andrea