Chaotic Good, Chaotic Bad, and, um... Just Plain Chaotic tbh: that awkward moment when a homeschooled kid starts school again and freaks out (i.e. a life update)

Hey guys! *waves*

So as you probably know, I started sixth form at the start of this month!! It's been... an experience, certainly. I mean, it's been good! Really good! I'm really enjoying it so far. But it's such a huge change from what I'm used to, that I'm just a tiny bit Shooketh™, or at least I was during the first few weeks. Anyway, I thought it was high time I posted a life update on here, so I'm here to talk all about it!

Make yourselves comfortable, buckle your seatbelts, make yourself a warm drink, sit back, relax and enjoy the journey - it's time to listen to Andrea rambling endlessly about something no-one was ever interested in anyway!! Yay!!

*throws confetti*

Soooo let's start at the very beginning, when I dragged myself out of bed on the sixth of September of 20gayteen (listen, ever since I heard that term you can't possibly expect me to just say 2018 anymore okay) at seven a.m. for the first time since June. Which was... not fun. At all. Me no likey. Me no likey at all. Buuut... I had to. So I got up and had breakfast and then took the bus to my new school for the very first time!! Which... would have been more exciting if I hadn't been half asleep at the time. But still. ExCiTiNg. My mum came with me as Moral Support™ and possibly because if she hadn't come, I would have fallen asleep on the bus and only woken up when the bus reached its final stop and I would have been about an hour late. 

ANYWAY. I walked into the school building and a teacher asked me if I was a new year 12 student, and I answered that Yes That Is Me (how am I in year 12 though?? How did that happen?? When did I get so grown up?? Smh) and so I got shown into the Sixth Form study room, where the rest of the year 12s that had already got there were waiting. The teacher asked me if I knew anyone there, and I said no. She called out to the room to ask if anyone else here didn't know anyone else (with the idea that I could sit with someone else who was also alone)... and no-one answered. Which was fun. What a great start. Very confidence-inspiring. Anyway, I ended up sitting with a couple of girls who were also new to the school, so that was alright. We didn't stay in the study room very long anyway, because we had to head to an assembly thing after a few minutes. Pretty much all we did that day (we were only there until 11 a.m.) was listen to a couple of talks from the principal and vice-principal, which was kinda boring. We also met the people in our forms and were given our timetables (half of which were wrong, and had to be fixed *sigh*), and that was it.

That first day was... not great for me. Basically, I got home and started panicking: what if I've made the wrong choice starting school? What if I end up hating it? What if it ends up taking over my life and I don't have any time to do what I'm truly passionate about (i.e. writing)? What if I get really unhappy? What if all of this is a terrible mistake?  I just kept thinking about what it was like when I went to school in year 7 for a few months, and how unhappy I got because I just didn't have time to read the books I wanted or work on my writing projects or even think about my writing projects, and that made me really depressed because I practically had to give up a whole part of my life. I barely had time to do anything other than homework, to the point where my parents and I couldn't even do family stuff on weekends because I had such a load of homework to get through (I was eleven??? This was so unfair??? My school had so many issues). And I just couldn't go through that again? Like, I refuse to. My writing is the most important part of my life, and I'm not giving it up for anything. So I was just in a really dark mood which was part terrified that starting school again would ruin my life and determined that that wouldn't happen.

I think it was listening to all those talks, which were largely teachers saying stuff like "you need to be on time every day because if you're five minutes late you'll get a detention, you need to hand your homework in on time or you'll get another detention, you need to wear the right clothes or we won't even let you in the lessons, you know what if you're not 100% perfect all the time we'll probably hunt you down and kill you" (okay they didn't actually say that last one, but that's what it FEELS like) that just completely put me off school just that first day, as well as slightly making me want to kill myself. I MEAN. All those RULES. I'm not used to this?? I'm used to being a free spirit, doing schoolwork how I like and when I like, wearing whatever I want, not taking crap from anyone. Seriously though, some of those rules are so illogical? What does it matter what we're wearing? And everyone's late sometimes?? We're all human, we all sleep through the alarm every once in a while, not to mention that most students in my area take the bus to school and buses can be ridiculously unreliable... They make it sound like being five minutes late once a year is a criminal offence. Seriously. It happens to everyone.

Another thing that made my first day of sixth form not-great was this: when my mum and I were going to sixth form open days to choose what school I wanted to go to, we asked if sixth formers got flexible timetables, i.e. being able to only come in when you have lessons and leave once you've finished. Since you only do three subjects at sixth form, there might be days when you have a nearly full day of lessons and days when you only have one or two hours of lessons. And at this school, the one I'm at now, we were told that yes, we'd get flexible timetables, so for example if we didn't have any lessons until the afternoon we didn't have to come in until then, or if we only had lessons in the morning we could leave afterwards, and do independent study at home. We were explicitly told this by more than one teacher.

And then, I got to school on my first day, and we were informed that we had to stay in school from 8.30 a.m. until 2.50 p.m. every single day. Apparently, some "school policy" changed over the summer and now they don't let sixth formers come in late or leave early. And I was like. Excuse me. What the actual hell? Why weren't we informed of this?? Literally my entire decision to go to that school, my entire decision to start sixth form at all, actually, was based on the fact that I wouldn't have to be stuck at school for 6+ hours a day five days a week like in regular school. And I just really feel that we should have been told about this change before it happened?? Because it would have affected my decision to go to that school?? It really just feels like I've been lied to, to be honest. Like I've been manipulated. Just. Not happy about this. Really not.

Anyway, I told my mum what I'd been told, and she wrote to the school to ask what was going on, and in the end she and the vice principal came to the agreement that I could have a special arrangement and have a flexible timetable like I was promised. So everything's good, really: I get to start school at 11 a.m. on Mondays and Fridays, and leave at 2 p.m. on Fridays and Thursdays (the way my timetable worked out, most of my free periods are in the middle of the day with lessons in the morning and in the afternoon anyway, so I don't actually have time to head home and come back). But I just wish it didn't have to be a special arrangement?? Because it just feels like I'm trying to be a Special Snowflake and be allowed to do things that the rest aren't, and I'm sorta worried that the others in my year group are going to resent that. I mean, they're probably not going to say anything to my face, but still... I don't want to be the special snowflake. Then again, I don't want to be stuck at school for six hours every day either; the thought honestly makes me feel sick. So. Special snowflake it is, I guess. *shrugs*

Sooo I've just realised that I've mostly made my school experience sound really negative, and overall it's not!! It was just the beginning that was a little sketchy. But I've sorted everything out now. I'm actually really enjoying it?! Like omg... I actually have a life now?? #Shooketh

Pretty much all my fears of school taking over my life haven't come true; I don't actually have that much homework? I mean, I do have quite a lot, but I'm not swamped by it; I manage to get it all done over the weekend. And since I have free periods during the day during the week, I do quite a lot of it then. I've been able to set aside an hour every day when I get home from school to read, and I've had to move my writing time to after dinner as I'm having dinner earlier now and I don't have time before it, but at least I still have writing time. So everything's good! (I have been pretty behind on reading and commenting on blog posts, though... oops. Sorry, guys. I just don't have a lot of spare time and my writing is my top priority.)

I'm taking English language, English literature and sociology, and I'm really enjoying all my lessons. I think my favourite so far is sociology? We've only learned the basics and a few key concepts, but it's honestly so interesting, I love it. It's all about the study of societies and how the world around us moulds our personalities, and it can be applied to real life really well, which is really good. I'm also really enjoying my language lessons, even though there is a lot of new terminology to learn that we've sort of had dumped on us, but I'm keeping up with it! (Sort of.) I'd say English lit is my least favourite, not that I dislike it, it's just not my fav so far. I think it's mostly because we're studying poetry and while I love reading poetry, analysing it is... really not my thing. It just feels like it's so much speculation?? The teacher is like, "THIS WORD HERE IS USED TO CONVEY THE FEELING OF [WHATEVER] BUT ALSO THE FACT THAT [SOMETHING ELSE] AND THAT [SOMETHING ELSE] OR ELSE IT COULD MEAN [ANOTHER THING]" and I'm just like... dude... it's literally one word in a whole poem, the poet probably used it because it rhymed or sounded good or something... just chill... It was like that when I was studying for GCSE, too. I swear literature teachers are so extra. We're also starting to study Othello, which is a Shakespeare play, and... it's Shakespeare. Need I say more.

I've also met so many really cool new people! I haven't really made friends yet, not close friends, but there are certain peeps from my classes who I hang out with at lunchtime and stuff, and I've talked to most people who are in my lessons. That's... not actually as impressive as it sounds, considering there are seven people in my language class, six people in my sociology class, and my literature class has an impressive number of... fifteen students. Considering most sixth form classes are around 30+ students... this place is tiny. I actually really like it though?! It makes the classes feel really personal and friendly, sort of like being at home, or just hanging out with a group of friends. Which is pretty awesome. :)


Anyway, that brings us to the end of this unnecessarily long, rambly life update!! If you've managed to read all the way down to here... kudos to you, my dear friend: you have a lot more patience than I do. I probably wouldn't have read this whole post without losing patience. So if you're still here: THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I APPRECIATE YOU TAKING THE TIME TO READ MY RAMBLINGS. Seriously, you guys are the best, I love you all *hugs*

So I hope you guys enjoyed this!! Talk to me, peeps: how have you been lately? How's life? How's the start of the school year been for you? (If you live in a country where the school year starts in August/September, of course)

Stay awesome!!


> > > Andrea < < <


*runs into the darkness*