The Positive Positivity Tag (ft. me being all sappy and sharing all the blogging love), + snippets from a new WIP! (Why am I like this tho)

Hey guys! What's up?

Sooooo I should be working on my WIP right now because I haven't hit my goal of 1K words this morning but eh, whatever, I'll just work on it some more in the afternoon, I don't really feel like writing right now, I'm feeling tired and sort of uninspired... ooh look, that rhymed... okay I'll go now.

So I got tagged with the Positive Positivity Tag by the awesome Dani Jones @ The Book Blog That's Not Actually A Book Blog! (You should check out her blog, it's very cool.) Anyway, this seems like a really lovely tag to share the blogging love, so I'mma do it! Yaay.

Rules:

1. Link and follow the creators on their blogs (I don't think you actually have to do this?)

2. Tag 5 of your favourite blogging friends. It could be because of their posts, personality, anything as long as you love it and want to let them know it!

3. Post on your blog with these rules

~ optional ~ 4. List some reasons about why you tagged these amazing bloggers!

Anyway, here are my nominees!

1. Nabila @ Hot Town Cool Girl

I really love Nabila's blog, and her Instagram as well! She's just such a cool and inspirational person, I love how she's so positive and always looks on the bright side, and she's a really good blogger too! Oh, and did I mention she's only like thirteen?! And she has an awesome blog with literally hundreds of followers... how is it even possible to have it so together at such a young age?? (When I was thirteen I had a crappy blog about my homeschool projects and like, my cat or something?? Literally no-one followed it and tbh I'm not surprised. SO ALL THE RESPECT TO YOU SMOL BLOGGERS WHO ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.)

2. Gray Marie @ Writing is Life

Gray was one of my first followers, actually she was the first person ever to comment regularly on my posts, and thanks to her I got way more confident as a blogger?! She's so lovely and supportive and just knowing that SOMEONE read and liked my blog gave me a huge confidence boost. Also I really love her blog, her writing is amazing and her posts are so much fun to read, they're so relatable in so many ways. I mean, just the title "Writing is Life" is relatable. Writing IS life. Truth right there.

3. Lanie @ From the Desk of a Dragon

Yet another awesome blogger! I love Lanie's art and photography, and her writing is really good too! Her blog is one of my faves. Plus she's a really cool and nice person! 

4. Ann @ #LoveEnglish

Ann has to be one of the loveliest bloggers out there, her comments on my blog always make my day! Also her blog is really fun to read, and despite English not being her first language her English is really good! 

5. Cait @ Paper Fury

I mean I don't pick favourites, but I think Paper Fury is my favourite blog. Wait. *goes into corner to re-think that statement* I just love Cait's blog so much oh my god?? Her writing is style and humour give me LIFE. And her bookstagram is just. *insert series of heart-eyes emojis here* Oh and did I mention that she published a book and it is incredible?? It's basically my second-favourite read of the year. (Yes I made a list, go away.)

And that's it! *pant* *wheeze* Excuse me, being nice for so long has tired me out. I must return to my home in the darkness and be, um, dark for a while... Anyway, there are loads more amazing bloggers I could list, but the rules say five, so... Don't forget to follow all these blogs!! You won't regret it. 

Remember what I said at the start of this post about me needing to work on my WIP but writing this instead? And you probably assumed that it was the same WIP that I've been talking about for months, the one that just over a week ago I was so excited to try and finish? Well... it's actually not. 

I've decided to take a step back from that story. Not forever! Just for a little while. It just wasn't working out for me, I was getting more and more stressed and frustrated at it and I was starting to hate writing. So I realised that the best thing I could do was just leave it for a while.

You know when you repeat a word or phrase over and over, and after a while it starts to lose its meaning? That's what I feel has happened to my story. I've put so much work into it over the past few months, I've thought everything through over and over so many times, that it's like it's lost its essence, like I've forgotten the feeling and emotions and meaning behind it. So I'm thinking, maybe if I just leave it, forget about it for a little while, maybe when I get back to it I'll be able to re-find the passion I had for that story. Maybe.

Anywho, in the meantime I'm working on a new WIP!! If you follow my Instagram you would already have seen some snippets of it (with comments such as "this is sad alexa play despacito")(I'm not even sorry). It's an idea that I had while I was in Paris, actually, and I'M SO EXCITED FOR IT. IT'S GOING TO BE SO EPIC. (Maybe.) It's quite dark (actually, make that pretty damn dark) and sort of weird but it's a story I'm really passionate about right now and I LOVE IT SO MUCH ARGH. I don't want to share too much about it though? I sort of want to keep it to myself for the time being.

I've been super motivated to write lately, plus I've had a lot of spare time, I've written nearly 8K in five days?? Which for me is a LOT. It's not going to be that long, more of a novella than a full-length novel, maybe 30K or 40K?(I don't know, I could be way off.) And if I keep writing at this rate, I'm probably going to finish it in about four or five weeks?! Which is pretty exciting.

Anyway, I'm going to include a couple of snippets here! Enjoy.

                                                                                                                     

“That’s a pretty cool phone you’ve got there,” he says casually. “That model of iPhone only came out last year. Your parents rich or something?”

And I tense up all over.

I stop breathing.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Not my parents.

Why does he have to ask about my parents?

Why does he have to bring up the one topic that makes me feel like I’ve been shot straight through the heart with an arrow made of ice?

The one topic that makes my heart start pounding in my chest like it’s trying to rip apart my ribs?

The one topic that makes me feel like I’m drowning, suffocating, desperately fighting to keep my head above the icy waters?

I’m drowning. Drowning right out here on the street. Drowning and there’s nothing anyone can do. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.

I stumble, hands out, half-falling against the brick wall of a shop building to my right. A few people walking past look at me strangely; a pair of young women nudge each other and mutter something.

Looking at them grounds me. Drags me out of the freezing cold sea I was drowning in. Drags me back to the high street and the people around me and Nathan, looking at me with his dark eyes narrowed in concern. His voice sounds almost panicky. “Helene, what’s going on? Are you okay? What’s happening?”

I gulp in air, still leaning against the wall, eyes half-closed, trying to calm my racing heart. I should say something. Tell him I’m fine. Even though I’m not fine. This isn’t his problem. He shouldn’t have to worry about me. I open my mouth to speak and it takes me a few tries to get the words out. “I’m okay,” I manage. “I’m just…” An excuse, an excuse, I need an excuse. “I have low blood sugar,” I lie. “I haven’t eaten yet.”

                                                                     

He’s trying to lighten the tone. He’s trying to cheer me up, make me feel better, but what he doesn’t realise is that there’s a wall around my heart, a wall around my soul, a wall that keeps me protected from all the terrible memories that would tear me apart from the inside if I looked at them too closely, and that with every word he’s saying a crack is appearing in that wall, a crack that threatens to open wide and let all the horror and evil spill through the wall and into my soul and destroy me.

He doesn’t realise what he’s doing.

He doesn’t realise how much it hurts.

“We don’t talk,” I say quietly, attempting to ignore the memories starting to seep through the cracks and the rising levels of freezing cold water around me. “Not anymore.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry.” Nathan looks genuinely upset. “What happened? I mean, I know it’s none of my business… oh shit, I’m sorry. I’m so bad at this sort of thing.”

 The cracks are getting wider. Wider and wider until the memories are right there in front of me and there is nothing protecting me from them, nothing, nothing.

And I’m about to re-live it all, everything, and I can’t, I can’t, it’s going to break me apart, it’s going to tear me to pieces, I can’t go through all that again, I just can’t – 

I see my parents’ faces in my head, standing in the entryway of our house, their house should I say since I don’t live there anymore, I see them the day I left, the day I left knowing I was leaving forever and that I was never going to see them again. I mean, they never actually said it. Get out and don’t bother coming back. We never want to see your face again. Not after what you’ve done. But I could see it in their eyes. I could see it in their faces.

More images, more memories, start clawing out from the cracks in the wall and I’m powerless to stop them and I’m trying to hold them back but they just keep coming and coming and –

And, oh, thank God.

I’m home.

The sight of the slightly peeling violet-painted door that leads into the apartment building seems to me like the entrance to a world of peace and safety, the entrance to the end of all my problems, the entrance to calm.

Keys. I need the keys. I fumble for them in my bag and doing so pulls me back to the real world again, away from those memories, those horrible monsters that exist in my head; they’re still there but I can almost ignore them now as I focus on reality.

                                                                               

Ahem... As you can see I tend to go a little wild with the metaphors... But my MC's mental health isn't exactly great and I think that the wild metaphors sort of convey that? IDK. I needs feedback, please. I'm always looking for some honest criticism of my work. Also I have a very low opinion of my own writing so some validation would be very much appreciated. :)

So I hope you guys enjoyed this post!! Leave comments guys, I really love getting comments!!

Stay wild,

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